It took me a while to get into this one. I guess I would say that I am more agnostic than atheist per se, so it wouldn't be an easy feat. But I didn't think prayer necessarily had to be to a God, but it could simply be sending vibes out into the universe (without being too much like The Secret).
I Googled how to pray. Seriously. Despite 14 years in the Catholic school system, I didn't really know how to pray. I felt like it was either begging for forgiveness, or asking for something, neither of which I had any inclination to do. At one point, I printed off the Serenity Prayer (which I do love), but it seemed like after a day to or two, it was just no longer quite as heartfelt.
I decided to simply spend the time being grateful for the many wonderful things in my life. I figured it would make me happier to recognize that I do have an amazing life, and sometimes it's easy to forget all the little things that make it so great. So I began. I had a long list of things to be thankful for, especially as I sat and thought about it. And it did make me realize that I had very little I could/should complain about.
But by day 4 I was running out of new things to be thankful for. It began to feel like I was rhyming off a list, almost as bad as reciting the Serenity Prayer ad nauseam. I don't mean that there was never anything good in an individual day; I was grateful for my amazing husband every single day, that my family was healthy, that I had great friends, a job, a home, a (sometimes) cute cat. But those were constants (thankfully!), and as lucky as that makes me, it almost negated the whole concept of spending time to appreciate all of it when I did it every single day. It was almost like there needed to be time to forget that those things were wonderful, so you could realize it all over again.
I also found it difficult thinking about the things that weren't so great; lack of a consistent job, Nick's unhappiness with his, struggling to pay bills. I hated playing the game of "well, there's always plenty of people who have it way worse". Yes, that is very true, we certainly do suffer from very first world problems, I don't deny that. But those words don't make me feel any better, they just make me feel very sad for those people who do have much more serious concerns on a daily basis. And it doesn't help the problems that I do have, regardless of how severe they are in the scheme of things.
Maybe I was doing it all wrong. I don't know. At the end of the month, I think I was still confused as to what prayer was suppose to do in my life. I enjoyed having the quiet time to reflect, but I don't feel like it changed much, for myself or for the world around me. I truly tried to do it with an open-mind, but maybe I am just too cynical to let it do it's magic. I really am envious of people who have such a strong faith; sometimes I really do wish I had something I could believe in.
It was an interesting goal, one that has me continuing to question faith and beliefs about the world.
(No, I didn't kneel over the bed with hands clasped)
Here are one of the links I checked out and a book on prayer, plus a couple of books that I absolutely LOVE about religious takes on the things we face in our lives:
How To Pray (WikiHow)
Beginner's Grace: Bringing Prayer to Life
When Good Things Happen To Bad People
Overcoming Life's Disappointments
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