Sometimes All I Need Is The Air That I Breathe

I've got some goal-blogging to catch up on!

Although this past weekend was consumed by my 10km race, the weekend before included some goals too.

First off, I tried another new food! Our local Price Chopper recently changed over to Fresh Co., and now has a LOT of different types of produce for me to try, so I picked up a breadfruit. I took it home, cut it up and roasted it in the oven. It was ... interesting. If anything, kind of bland. But I had a tough time finding info about it online, so I had no idea how to tell if it was perfectly ripe, and I didn't have much of an idea of how to cook it, so I wouldn't write it off entirely, but I wouldn't cook it again myself. Only two more foods to go for goal #70!

Nick and I attempted to go for a VW Beetle test drive, but it wasn't entirely successful. We had a tough time getting time to go to begin with last weekend, but we managed to squeeze it in only to discover they had none in stock. Only a used tan convertible was on the lot, and someone else was already climbing in as we got there. I wasn't too happy with the salesperson; when I said I was interested in a Beetle, he automatically assumed I wanted a used one. I know I'm being stupid, since we obviously weren't actually looking to buy (but he didn't know that!), but I was insulted. Surely he should know better than to pre-judge people. I know VW's are more expensive cars, and I suppose we don't wear high designer clothes nor are we very old, but it really bothered me that he assumed we couldn't afford a new car just by the look of us. Whether it's true or not, I would think that a good salesperson would never judge someone based on appearance or age or any other visible trait. And as childish as it might sound, if I ever actually buy a VW, it won't be from him. If he's willing to judge me based on a split-second glance, then I'm going to assume he is not very good at his job and why would I want to buy a car from someone who isn't very good at their job? Yes, it's petty, and yes I over-analyze stupid little things, but something about it just irked me. He took my info down and promised to call when the new model made it to the lot. I doubt I will hear from him. I may have to go out of town to get my VW test-drive at this rate.

Luckily I actually managed to complete a full goal last weekend. Nick and I went for a nice morning hike and I got in a nice tree hug, goal #91. And who doesn't love hugging a tree?

I'm Counting Sheep But Running Out

Well, here I am, on the other side of my very first 10k run! It was a crazy experience and even crazier is that I want to do it again next year. Goal #32 completed.

Nick and I spent Friday night at home (completing another goal, but more on that another day) and I was headed to bed by 11. We were up by 5:30am since we had to be at the Toronto Zoo for check-in by 7:15. We left in the dark but it was nicely cool and overcast when we arrived. My stomach was immediately queasy; with over 2000 participants, the parking lot was really busy, and most people seemed like much more 'official' runners than I felt (that translates to mean better running gear, water bottle packs, and many people warming up with laps around the lot). I grew more and more nervous; I felt so out of place. I didn't belong at a race like that. So I thought.

I checked in, got my time-chip bib on and my swag bag stashed in the car, had a pre-run bathroom break (nothing worse than having to pee after 2 kms) and had nothing to do but simmer and and get progressively more scared for about half an hour. It's a good thing Nick is so encouraging, cause it was mildly tempting to just leave. The first wave was set to leave at 8:15 and just before then I suddenly realized I had forgotten chapstick. As small of a thing as it was, I knew how uncomfortable chapped lips can be on a long run, so Nick headed back to the car to grab some for me. But then that first wave took off, and oh my were they were off FAST. All I could hear was the slapping of their feet on the pavement, it was almost surreal. The second wave left and then I started to get jittery. It seemed like Nick was taking way too long, and I couldn't imagine having to start the race without him being there nearby. I was literally almost panicking. The nerves of doing such a monumental thing for me, and him potentially not being there had me all riled up. But of course he made it back to me in time and walked up to the starting line with me, and I felt better as the seconds ticked closer to my 8:30 start time. With a quick hug and good luck kiss, the horn blew and I had to go.

I wasn't a fan of the claustrophobic feeling running in a pck left me with, but I figured at my slow speed, people would separate away from me fairly quickly. Like most of my runs, it took me a while to get into my comfortable groove, but it was even tougher to watch all these people pass me. I had no expectations of being fast compared to anyone else, but it's just visually de-motivating to watch sooo many people go by faster. By the 1km mark, the masses were far enough ahead of me and by the 2km mark I was finally comfortable.

I was surprised by how many people walked, and by how much they walked throughout the run. Even by the first km, people were walking. But not me, I was definitely the tortoise in that race, I wasn't going to stop, not for anything.

There were moments were I thought I wasn't going to make it, there were moments where I got a good spurt of energy and felt like I could run forever. Kms 5-7 were tough, but km 8 seemed really long. I was basically alone with no one even around by km 4, and I was quite ok with that. I ran by a zebra, an elephant, yaks, monkeys, pink flamingoes, giraffes, and camels. Luckily I spotted Nick twice throughout the run; there wasn't too many spots for people to watch runners go by. But there was 3 water spots, and each one had a long line of volunteers cheering. It was strange to hear strangers chanting my name (maybe that's why they print your name on the bibs).

Once I hit km 9, I knew I had about three songs left on my iPod. I had spent km 8 trying to pass a man ahead of me, and I was slowly closing the gap. I didn't know if there was really anyone left behind me, and I really didn't want to come in last again. Coming in last at the try-a-tri just diminished my feelings of accomplishment and I didn't want to suffer that again. So as I passed that 9 km marker, I turned it on. I ran past 5 people by the time I rounded the corner to the finish line. And I sprinted over that finish line with what little energy I had left. It was pretty cool to hear my name announced over the microphone. My legs were jello and I just kept walking. I was handed my finisher's medal, but I still had to keep walking. It was a terrible set-up at the finish in that spectators were nowhere nearby. I had to keep walking around a bunch of tents and walls before I could even remotely find Nick. I think he was as disappointed as I was that he didn't get to actually watch me cross the finish line. But I had done it, I had finished the race. I had crossed at 1:45 but we realized that must be from the beginning of the first wave, so we guessed that I had ran about 1:35. I would check online later for my actual time.

I wish I could remember every moment, every thought from the run, because it was such an amazing experience for me. Never in a million years would I ever have thought I would run in a 10km, let alone finish it and not walk for a single step. I had 3 goals for my run: first was to run the entire thing. I did that. Second, I didn't want to come in last. I came in 2100 of 2201 runners. Goal acheived. Lastly, I wanted to finish it in less than an hour and a half. My time was 1:29:56. I did it.

Words can't really explain how huge this accomplishment is for me. I'm not a runner. I'm not athletic. But maybe I am. I mean I must be, I just ran a 10km race.

Dreams, That's Where I Have To Go

I'm feeling really stressed lately, like there are just too many things on my plate right now. So tonight I'll be short, but I felt like I had to post that I have finished a couple of goals last weekend, will finish another two this weekend, and another 2 more by next weekend! So there will be lots of posts and pictures coming really soon!

Saturday is race day, and I really just can't wait until it's over. I feel so ill-prepared and I'm afraid I won't be able to finish the race, and I know I will be really disappointed in myself if I can't. I'm just hoping that the training has helped where I haven't been running as much.

You Make Me This, Bring Me Up, Bring Me Down

I have another goal completed!

For the last week, I spent a lot of time in front of the mirror. Something I usually try to avoid. But every morning and every night I stood in front of the mirror with just my underwear on (sorry for the mental image) and recited the following mantra (as lengthy of a mantra that it is) and then found something about my body that I liked.

I am smart enough

I am good enough

I am confident enough

I am resourceful enough

I am strong enough

I am capable enough

I have absolute faith in myself

I have a dream and I will do whatever it takes to make it come alive

I will turn the impossible into possible

I will never give up

I will not crumble under even the greatest of life’s challenge

I will assume 100% responsibility for my own life

I will expect nothing but the best of myself

I am willing to pay the price to succeed

I will embrace failures

I will conquer my fears

I don’t care what other people think

People will judge me based on what I have achieved, but I will judge myself based on what I believe I can achieve

I will love, respect, and accept myself for who I am

I will have the courage to change what needs to be changed

No, I didn't write it, Google is a wonderful thing after all.  But I really did find it empowering, and I often ended up repeating it a couple of times afterwards; it would just stick in my head. And I spent the last week feeling pretty good about my accomplishments. So I would say mission accomplished and goal achieved.

Tell Me What's Your Favorite Color

The good news is that the scale finally seems to be budging downwards; 176.0 lbs this morning! My goal was 172 by the end of September, which is perhaps unlikely, but close. There is still slight hope to be under 170 by the wedding Thanksgiving weekend! It really is exciting to see the changes in my body, even if the numbers don't necessarily match.

I'm more and more nervous about next weekend's race. While the training has been keeping me fit, I know it's not going to make me a better runner exactly, and I haven't ran much in over 2 months. But I'm hoping to get out, if only for a short run, tomorrow. And again Saturday and Sunday. All I want is to finish the race, I want to run the whole thing, no walking!

You Know How The Time Flies, Only Yesterday Was The Time Of Our Lives

The first week of school was sheer chaos. I was up at 6:30 am and had school on the brain until 11:00 pm every night. It was completely exhausting. I'm teaching 3 courses I've never taught before (other than in summer school) and it's a lot of planning. And I'm trying to keep up with the other teachers who are teaching the same course, except they have years more of experience. I love what I'm doing, but it was a long and stressful week. I hope things calm down a bit once I get into routine.

Training has been going well, I've been working my butt off and pushing myself harder and harder. I'm still disappointed with the numbers on the scale though. I'm still around 178 lbs every day, despite eating very well and exercising almost every day. I'm enjoying the changes I'm seeing and feeling in my body, but am just baffled by the lack of results by the numbers. Even my measurements haven't changed that significantly for how hard I have been working over the last couple of weeks. I'm working on my two goals of no chocolate or eating out for a month, and I have been bang on with my diet. It's just frustrating to change my habits so much, and not see the results you are working towards. I feel like I'm doing everything right, and still failing. But it's not like I'm going to stop at this point; I still have 19 more training sessions! I just hope it ends up being worth it, one way or another.

I completed another goal last night though! My oldest friend is getting married on Thanksgiving weekend and last night was the bachelorette party. We started off with a pole dancing lesson, goal # 45! It was fabulous. It was such a workout, but you don't really think about it (even though I was dripping with sweat) because you are trying to get the moves down, and trying not to giggle at how awkward you feel in front of everyone. I really wish there was a decent place in town to take more classes, because I really enjoyed it; not really surprising, since I always love dance type classes. We got to practice our moves later at the bar (ok, not really, but we had a great night).

Words Can't Say It, I Can't Do Enough To Prove It's All For You

With very few runs in my last few weeks, I decided to tackle a good long run this morning. I ventured out on my original 5 km route to see just how far I could run. Unfortunately in the last 2 months I have only ran intervals of no more than 5 minutes, so it wasn't long before I was feeling low on motivation to keep on going. Although I have always felt that music was a very powerful tool for motivation, I really proved it to myself today, because it was the songs in my playlist that carried me through my 8.5 km run today.

Most notably, All For You by Sister Hazel. I've loved this song since it appeared on Now 3 in 1998 (for those of you that aren't familiar with this album, check it out here. Love it.) And somewhere in the early half of my run, it popped into my headphones. My split-second thought was to think of Nick, that I do the things I do for the love of my life. Which is very true. But not an instant later, I realized that this run, and everything else on this fitness and weight loss journey, should be for ME, not anyone else. Don't get me wrong, I've never been losing weight for Nick, or anybody else, it's always been my own desire. It just really dug in today when that song came on. And the lyrics took on a different meaning once they became about my own inner challenges. I don't think I ever felt so... intrinsic, for lack of a better word. It was a good feeling, and I feel like it's partially stemming from the personal training, and putting on a really sincere push to lose weight.

Speaking of personal training... being the holiday, I didn't meet with Natasha today, but she told me I could go in myself and go through a similar routine. Not wanting to face her Wednesday and have to tell her I didn't do it, I trekked in to the gym after my 80 minute run to go through a circuit of weights and cardio. Yes, I am certifiably insane.

Here are a few other songs that I really enjoyed on my run today. They aren't necessarily the best for tempo or helping keep step, I just found them encouraging and motivating, whether it was the lyrics or just the general mood of the song.

The Crow and The Butterfly - Shinedown
Bittersweet Symphony - The Verve
Sail - AWOLNATION
Savin' Me - Nickelback
We Will Rock You - Nickelback
Life - Our Lady Peace
Nine In The Afternoon - Panic At The Disco

It's Been A While, Since I First Saw You

I seem to have lost the umph for writing lately! The summer seems to have simply run away from me in so many ways.

I missed logging a goal! Well, part of a goal. As one of my new foods to try, I made spaghetti using tofu shirataki! Yes, they are noodles made of tofu, but they were surprisingly a decent swap. And they are 0 WW Points! The texture is the biggest thing to contend with as there isn't really a strong taste to them. But for 0 points, it was quite a good replacement. I say they are well worth the try. Even Nick liked them, and he cringes at the thought of anything tofu. For more info, check them out here. They are available at Sobey's and Metro, wherever you find all those other tofu replacement stuff like hot bogs, burgers, and deli meats.

(Even if it was July 13th that I tried... shame on me for taking so long to write about it)

I've been keeping up with my reading goals; since those lists are pretty long, I think it will just be one post per entire goal, not per book. But I am enjoying diversing my reading choices. And I have been taking photos of each book to create a collage of them when I am all done, so I can still see the progress I've made.

Things are going well with Natasha, although we stepped it up A LOT today. I can't believe I now have 7 weeks of pain and torture to endure! Ok, I feel great afterwards, and it's not really painful, but it is certainly tough pushing your body beyond what you thought you could. I haven't been too happy with my weight this week; I have been tracking really well, staying on plan, and going to the gym, as well as getting in an extra workout or two on top of that. And yet I've been fluctuating the ounces within 178 lbs all week. It's frustrating to work so hard and nothing happens, especially so early on in my (latest) weight loss journey. I would really like to see the 160's by Thanksgiving since I am in a wedding that weekend and have a beautiful bridesmaids dress headed my way. But that's 9 lbs and only 5 weeks, and with progress this slow on the scale, it's not looking good. However, I think if I keep at it, there is no reason I shouldn't see an unfamiliar weight by the New Year! (I considered anything under 163 unfamiliar, as that is the lowest number I can distinctly and positively recall seeing on a scale, and that was 6 years ago when I lived in Japan!)