Summer school is over!!
Still not gonna get a long post from me yet though; we leave early tomorrow morning for a portage trip (yea long weekend!) so lots of packing and prep to do tonight.
But next week brings long posts, I promise!!
Friday 29 July 2011
Monday 25 July 2011
I'm Not Crazy, I'm Just A Little Unwell, I Know Right Now You Can't Tell
No, I have not dropped off the face of the Earth. Summer school almost got the best of me last week. There is so much going on, I am busy working on school stuff until pretty much bedtime, I went a week with no meals planned, just winging it every night (and survived, but barely). Fortunately this is the last week of school, but then we are gone for the long weekend on a portage trip. So I will try to get a decent update posted before then (and yes, I realize I have still yet to post my last goal activity) and get back into writing more regularly. Stick with me, I'll be back soon!
Thursday 14 July 2011
I Don't Wanna Wait For Our Lives To Be Over
Yes, that means I have brought out my Dawson's Creek for a re-viewing... Yes I own all 6 seasons on DVD... Yes I was one of those girls who loved James van der Beek when she was 15... but I grew up and realized that Joshua Jackson is soo much better! It's a nostalgia thing. I apparently have some strange obsession with high school, that must be why I can't get away from it in any sense.
Round 1 of summer school is over, and the last couple of days were 100% filled with work. Between planning an entire semester crammed into 8 days for 3 different courses, then marking all their work with a impossibly quick turn-around time, I am absolutely beat. And I get to do it all again starting Monday! At least I will already have materials for these classes, just one new course (if things go as planned).
Tonight I am relaxing after baseball, and I can't wait. Which means you will have to wait until tomorrow to hear about the new food I tried last night... it comes Hungry Girl recommended so stay tuned!
Round 1 of summer school is over, and the last couple of days were 100% filled with work. Between planning an entire semester crammed into 8 days for 3 different courses, then marking all their work with a impossibly quick turn-around time, I am absolutely beat. And I get to do it all again starting Monday! At least I will already have materials for these classes, just one new course (if things go as planned).
Tonight I am relaxing after baseball, and I can't wait. Which means you will have to wait until tomorrow to hear about the new food I tried last night... it comes Hungry Girl recommended so stay tuned!
Tuesday 12 July 2011
If You Had One Shot, Or One Opportunity, To Seize Everything You Ever Wanted, One Moment, Would You Capture It?
The job market is tough right now. Has that become a cliché?
I don't know if I chose teaching, or teaching chose me, it's just always been the underlying thing I wanted to do. Which means I am now trying to break into a very difficult job market. I've been at it for 2 years, and it's been an uphill battle. The key really just seems to be patience; that, and hoping more people would retire!
I graduated from teacher's college in June 2009, and it wasn't until that November that I finally got onto a supply list. Sadly, it was a school board that I do not live in, it's to the west; the closest school is 45 minutes away. There was no real job in sight. The local Catholic board seems to have blackballed me for some reason, and the local public board keeps posting and retracting job openings for the supply list, plus I've been told they won't hire you if you live right in the city - too many people already on the list won't travel to outlying areas to supply teach.
In April 2010, I got onto another school board supply list, this one north-west of my area, and with only 3 high schools. I had a promising interview for a short-term job that I didn't get because they had already had someone else in mind, then supply taught in the school steady for a couple of months, and then suddenly I seemed to have just dropped off their phone list. Then I heard that the board had hired more supply teachers, even though many weren't getting much work to begin with. I haven't worked in that board since January.
Last summer, a friend gave me the heads up that the local public board (that she had magically managed to get a permanent job with, I have no idea how) was desperate for summer school math teachers. I jumped at the chance and taught 4 weeks of summer school at a school 45 minutes away, albeit in my local board. I thought for sure that it was my chance to get my foot in the door and be added to the supply list. Surely if they would hire me to teach summer school, I could be added relatively easy to the supply list. At the very least, the next time they were hiring. But once I got to class, I realized many of the summer school teachers worked in other boards; they could not get into this board on a regular basis. One man had taught in the private school system for 15 years and they would not hire him for the supply list. I still had hope, but in the end, all I got was my paycheck. I don't scoff at that, but I had high hopes that after a year and half of harassing the HR department, I finally had a shot. I got a good reference from the VP, but that was it.
Finally this winter, I got a call for a short-term job at a school in the first board to hire me. I love the school and the staff, even though it is a 45 minute drive. The short-term job turned into the entire semester. I had classes of my very own for an entire semester, for the very first time. It was magical and I truly loved every stress-filled moment. It was everything I wanted in my career, it was where I worked so hard to get to. But of course the semester must end. I had wanted to teach summer school again as I had last year, but the local board apparently only posts internally, and I of course was not considered internal. Good enough to take the job that nobody else seemed to want, but not good enough to re-apply for it the following year. I lucked out however and got 2 weeks of summer school teaching at my last school. Just 8 days, grade 9 and 10 math. But at the school I love (if only it was in town). I only dream that I will somehow end up back there in the fall.
This past weekend, I got a message from another friend who works in the local board saying that they were desperate for math teachers for the last two weeks of summer school here in town. Without even thinking, I jumped at the chance, and she passed on my number to the summer school principal. So the same man who speedily interviewed me last summer left me a message this morning. And once I called him back... I now have two more weeks of summer school ahead of me! And I finally get to work somewhere locally. That alone is exciting; no more commuting! Well, at least not for 2 weeks.
Luckily this year, I go in it with no expectations. I will happily take my paycheck and the extra experience on my resume and assume nothing else will come from this school board. Anything else will just be gravy. And I get two weeks with a new batch of kids, from the sounds of it, a mix of 9's, 10's and 11's. Just another opportunity, and I will gladly take it. Even if it means my summer vacation will start 2 weeks later than I expected. =)
I don't know if I chose teaching, or teaching chose me, it's just always been the underlying thing I wanted to do. Which means I am now trying to break into a very difficult job market. I've been at it for 2 years, and it's been an uphill battle. The key really just seems to be patience; that, and hoping more people would retire!
I graduated from teacher's college in June 2009, and it wasn't until that November that I finally got onto a supply list. Sadly, it was a school board that I do not live in, it's to the west; the closest school is 45 minutes away. There was no real job in sight. The local Catholic board seems to have blackballed me for some reason, and the local public board keeps posting and retracting job openings for the supply list, plus I've been told they won't hire you if you live right in the city - too many people already on the list won't travel to outlying areas to supply teach.
In April 2010, I got onto another school board supply list, this one north-west of my area, and with only 3 high schools. I had a promising interview for a short-term job that I didn't get because they had already had someone else in mind, then supply taught in the school steady for a couple of months, and then suddenly I seemed to have just dropped off their phone list. Then I heard that the board had hired more supply teachers, even though many weren't getting much work to begin with. I haven't worked in that board since January.
Last summer, a friend gave me the heads up that the local public board (that she had magically managed to get a permanent job with, I have no idea how) was desperate for summer school math teachers. I jumped at the chance and taught 4 weeks of summer school at a school 45 minutes away, albeit in my local board. I thought for sure that it was my chance to get my foot in the door and be added to the supply list. Surely if they would hire me to teach summer school, I could be added relatively easy to the supply list. At the very least, the next time they were hiring. But once I got to class, I realized many of the summer school teachers worked in other boards; they could not get into this board on a regular basis. One man had taught in the private school system for 15 years and they would not hire him for the supply list. I still had hope, but in the end, all I got was my paycheck. I don't scoff at that, but I had high hopes that after a year and half of harassing the HR department, I finally had a shot. I got a good reference from the VP, but that was it.
Finally this winter, I got a call for a short-term job at a school in the first board to hire me. I love the school and the staff, even though it is a 45 minute drive. The short-term job turned into the entire semester. I had classes of my very own for an entire semester, for the very first time. It was magical and I truly loved every stress-filled moment. It was everything I wanted in my career, it was where I worked so hard to get to. But of course the semester must end. I had wanted to teach summer school again as I had last year, but the local board apparently only posts internally, and I of course was not considered internal. Good enough to take the job that nobody else seemed to want, but not good enough to re-apply for it the following year. I lucked out however and got 2 weeks of summer school teaching at my last school. Just 8 days, grade 9 and 10 math. But at the school I love (if only it was in town). I only dream that I will somehow end up back there in the fall.
This past weekend, I got a message from another friend who works in the local board saying that they were desperate for math teachers for the last two weeks of summer school here in town. Without even thinking, I jumped at the chance, and she passed on my number to the summer school principal. So the same man who speedily interviewed me last summer left me a message this morning. And once I called him back... I now have two more weeks of summer school ahead of me! And I finally get to work somewhere locally. That alone is exciting; no more commuting! Well, at least not for 2 weeks.
Luckily this year, I go in it with no expectations. I will happily take my paycheck and the extra experience on my resume and assume nothing else will come from this school board. Anything else will just be gravy. And I get two weeks with a new batch of kids, from the sounds of it, a mix of 9's, 10's and 11's. Just another opportunity, and I will gladly take it. Even if it means my summer vacation will start 2 weeks later than I expected. =)
Sunday 10 July 2011
Ain't About How Fast I Get There, Ain't About What's Waiting On The Other Side
Another goal accomplished!
Yesterday afternoon, Nick* and I attempted rock-climbing. It's a lot harder than I expected it to be! I didn't think it would be easy, but I couldn't make it all the way to the top on either the easy or the medium wall. But I could definitely see why people like it; I could see how it would become addictive. I did enjoy it, but I don't think I will try it again until I have vastly improved my upper body strength. I knew I didn't have great pipes, but wow was I weak! That's basically what gave out on me; my arms just couldn't pull me up any further. My fear of falling (not heights, but falling) was a slight contributor, but it turned out that falling was really fun! The cable slowly releases you down to the ground so you're just kinda floating mid-air for a few seconds. The grips were spread out somewhat awkwardly; I felt like being taller would have been easier. Plus they were not always easy to get a decent grip on or pull up on. As obvious as it sounds, it was difficult being completely vertical.
It was definitely a challenge, but I really enjoyed it, and I'm glad I included it on my goal list. I will definitely spend some time in the gym working on my arms, then venture back and try it again.
Yesterday afternoon, Nick* and I attempted rock-climbing. It's a lot harder than I expected it to be! I didn't think it would be easy, but I couldn't make it all the way to the top on either the easy or the medium wall. But I could definitely see why people like it; I could see how it would become addictive. I did enjoy it, but I don't think I will try it again until I have vastly improved my upper body strength. I knew I didn't have great pipes, but wow was I weak! That's basically what gave out on me; my arms just couldn't pull me up any further. My fear of falling (not heights, but falling) was a slight contributor, but it turned out that falling was really fun! The cable slowly releases you down to the ground so you're just kinda floating mid-air for a few seconds. The grips were spread out somewhat awkwardly; I felt like being taller would have been easier. Plus they were not always easy to get a decent grip on or pull up on. As obvious as it sounds, it was difficult being completely vertical.
It was definitely a challenge, but I really enjoyed it, and I'm glad I included it on my goal list. I will definitely spend some time in the gym working on my arms, then venture back and try it again.
Saturday 9 July 2011
I Don't Know But I Believe In Yesterday
Ok, so I lied when I said I would talk about the podcast yesterday, but I'll talk about it today!
The reason I found it intriguing is because the guest on Two Fit Chicks was talking about learning to love yourself by looking at yourself in the mirror. One of my goals (#55) is to practice looking at myself in the mirror and stating things I like about myself, and making that a regular practice. But this podcast gave me a slightly different variation of that. The idea is to stand with your back to the mirror first with your eyes closed and conjure up the thoughts and feelings of someone/something you love unconditionally (spouse, child, puppy, whatever you need to think about) until you literally physically feel the love and emotion for that person. Only when you physically feel this do you turn around and slowly soften and open your eyes to transfer that visceral feeling of love onto yourself. It sounds a bit hokey, but somehow still powerful.
The argument is that it's relatively meaningless for me to stand in front of the mirror and force myself to think something like "Wow, I love my eyes", or "My wrists are great". If I don't believe it, if there is no meaning in me saying it, am I really providing any benefit in the exercise? If I continue to say it, the hope is that I will eventually believe it, but will that really work? This slightly different approach assumes that feelings and emotions are much stronger than just logical thought in your brain. If you feel the love directed at yourself, an association will develop, and eventually you actually will believe that your eyes are beautiful and that you have wonderful wrists, and that the rest of your body is open to be truly loved as well. Not to mention the rest of your being!
Anyhow, it gave me some food for thought in how to approach that particular goal. And speaking of goals, I watched another movie from my list last night, Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. It was my first introduction to a real live Marilyn Munroe (of course I've seen pictures) and it was actually a cute movie. Sometimes hard to remember that songs just naturally appear in movies of that age, but a refreshing change really. I really have no idea where they got the title from, it really should have been called Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend, or something along those lines. The title just made me feel bad for her equally pretty and talented brunette friend. Overall, it was a good movie, and I have 4 more 'classic' movies to watch to complete Goal #11. And yes, classic by my own definition!
I wish I found it easier to get up early; mornings are so beautiful! I hit the farmer's market this morning for strawberries, raspberries, cherries, asparagus and baby potatoes, then went for a run. I've really been feeling like a legitimate runner lately; I just feel lighter on my feet, there's more bounce in my step, even when I'm getting tired. So I was rather saddened to calculate that I only covered 5.55km this morning in 55 minutes. And I thought I had done quite well and was improving. But it is what it is, I need to keep focus on finishing the 10km race, not worrying about how fast I do it.
Nick* and I are headed out today for mini-golf, batting cages, rock-climbing, Ribfest, and Bad Teacher. I love date days! Oh, and Wag-Jag too for providing the first 3 activities at a low cost =)
The reason I found it intriguing is because the guest on Two Fit Chicks was talking about learning to love yourself by looking at yourself in the mirror. One of my goals (#55) is to practice looking at myself in the mirror and stating things I like about myself, and making that a regular practice. But this podcast gave me a slightly different variation of that. The idea is to stand with your back to the mirror first with your eyes closed and conjure up the thoughts and feelings of someone/something you love unconditionally (spouse, child, puppy, whatever you need to think about) until you literally physically feel the love and emotion for that person. Only when you physically feel this do you turn around and slowly soften and open your eyes to transfer that visceral feeling of love onto yourself. It sounds a bit hokey, but somehow still powerful.
The argument is that it's relatively meaningless for me to stand in front of the mirror and force myself to think something like "Wow, I love my eyes", or "My wrists are great". If I don't believe it, if there is no meaning in me saying it, am I really providing any benefit in the exercise? If I continue to say it, the hope is that I will eventually believe it, but will that really work? This slightly different approach assumes that feelings and emotions are much stronger than just logical thought in your brain. If you feel the love directed at yourself, an association will develop, and eventually you actually will believe that your eyes are beautiful and that you have wonderful wrists, and that the rest of your body is open to be truly loved as well. Not to mention the rest of your being!
Anyhow, it gave me some food for thought in how to approach that particular goal. And speaking of goals, I watched another movie from my list last night, Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. It was my first introduction to a real live Marilyn Munroe (of course I've seen pictures) and it was actually a cute movie. Sometimes hard to remember that songs just naturally appear in movies of that age, but a refreshing change really. I really have no idea where they got the title from, it really should have been called Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend, or something along those lines. The title just made me feel bad for her equally pretty and talented brunette friend. Overall, it was a good movie, and I have 4 more 'classic' movies to watch to complete Goal #11. And yes, classic by my own definition!
I wish I found it easier to get up early; mornings are so beautiful! I hit the farmer's market this morning for strawberries, raspberries, cherries, asparagus and baby potatoes, then went for a run. I've really been feeling like a legitimate runner lately; I just feel lighter on my feet, there's more bounce in my step, even when I'm getting tired. So I was rather saddened to calculate that I only covered 5.55km this morning in 55 minutes. And I thought I had done quite well and was improving. But it is what it is, I need to keep focus on finishing the 10km race, not worrying about how fast I do it.
Nick* and I are headed out today for mini-golf, batting cages, rock-climbing, Ribfest, and Bad Teacher. I love date days! Oh, and Wag-Jag too for providing the first 3 activities at a low cost =)
Friday 8 July 2011
It's Just A Jump To The Left, And Then A Step To The Right
My run went pretty well this morning, even though it had been a week since I'd been out. I distracted myself really well, so the time flew by. However, I may have distracted myself a little too well, because I am positive I was plenty slower than the last time I ran. Ah well. I'm one run away from being finished week 8. I'm looking forward to being done with all this running though. I probably started training way too early, and now I'm sick of it and haven't even got to the 10k training yet!
I really don't know what to do about my goal to run a half-marathon. I knew I was being ambitious, but I probably should have waited to see how I felt about the 10k race before committing to a half-marathon. But now I don't know what to do with the goal. I'm not really enjoying training now, so I can't even imagine basically doubling it. I HATE the thought of not finishing a single one of my goals though, and if it ends up being the only one I don't do, I'd be really annoyed with myself. Is it fair to change it now? And even if I deemed that to be acceptable, what on earth would be a comparable goal? I do seem to enjoy races, but a half-marathon seems like an awful lot. Maybe I could compete in enough 5- and 10-k races to add up to a half? That wouldn't be so bad... I guess I'll have to work on that one.
The rest of my day so far has been 30 lengths in the pool (progress on Goal #47), a WW meeting (which was really great) and another trip to the library for some more cookbooks (I've gotten on to Hungry Girl) and a book on breaking old habits. And a really delicious salad for lunch! (Bistro Salad) I'm hoping to spend the afternoon getting prepped for week 2 of summer school so that next week is a little less chaotic.
If you hadn't guessed from my title today... I completed Goal #12, watch The Rocky Horror Picture Show! I curled up to watch it last night, as I iced my leg after baseball (I seem to have a penchant for taking grounders off the shins this season). It was an .... interesting experience. I've gotta say, I'm really not sure why the cult following. I had never seen it before and knew very little about it to start. I knew it was Tim Curry, I knew it was a musical, and I knew it involved some creepy transvestites in a scary castle, but that's about it. And in the end, that pretty much sums it up anyway. There wasn't much more to it than that. I had a hard time getting through it; it all just seemed so pointless. After I watched it, I researched it a bit, so at least I know it was meant to be poking fun at certain genres of the time. I get that, but it still didn't seem terribly entertaining. It must have had much more appeal in the 70's, cause it certainly seemed like you needed to be on some kind of trip to really get it. At the very least, I don't think it tries to be something it's not. And it's hard not to be amused by Tim Curry with big dark lipstick and a very young looking Susan Sarandon singing and wandering around in a bra and slip the whole movie. Oh, and I thoroughly enjoyed Meatloaf's appearance, and it suddenly became very clear to me who Jack Black seems to be modelling himself after.
In the end, I'm glad I watched it to see what it was about, I learned some new moves to Time Warp, and I can check another goal off my list!
I really don't know what to do about my goal to run a half-marathon. I knew I was being ambitious, but I probably should have waited to see how I felt about the 10k race before committing to a half-marathon. But now I don't know what to do with the goal. I'm not really enjoying training now, so I can't even imagine basically doubling it. I HATE the thought of not finishing a single one of my goals though, and if it ends up being the only one I don't do, I'd be really annoyed with myself. Is it fair to change it now? And even if I deemed that to be acceptable, what on earth would be a comparable goal? I do seem to enjoy races, but a half-marathon seems like an awful lot. Maybe I could compete in enough 5- and 10-k races to add up to a half? That wouldn't be so bad... I guess I'll have to work on that one.
The rest of my day so far has been 30 lengths in the pool (progress on Goal #47), a WW meeting (which was really great) and another trip to the library for some more cookbooks (I've gotten on to Hungry Girl) and a book on breaking old habits. And a really delicious salad for lunch! (Bistro Salad) I'm hoping to spend the afternoon getting prepped for week 2 of summer school so that next week is a little less chaotic.
If you hadn't guessed from my title today... I completed Goal #12, watch The Rocky Horror Picture Show! I curled up to watch it last night, as I iced my leg after baseball (I seem to have a penchant for taking grounders off the shins this season). It was an .... interesting experience. I've gotta say, I'm really not sure why the cult following. I had never seen it before and knew very little about it to start. I knew it was Tim Curry, I knew it was a musical, and I knew it involved some creepy transvestites in a scary castle, but that's about it. And in the end, that pretty much sums it up anyway. There wasn't much more to it than that. I had a hard time getting through it; it all just seemed so pointless. After I watched it, I researched it a bit, so at least I know it was meant to be poking fun at certain genres of the time. I get that, but it still didn't seem terribly entertaining. It must have had much more appeal in the 70's, cause it certainly seemed like you needed to be on some kind of trip to really get it. At the very least, I don't think it tries to be something it's not. And it's hard not to be amused by Tim Curry with big dark lipstick and a very young looking Susan Sarandon singing and wandering around in a bra and slip the whole movie. Oh, and I thoroughly enjoyed Meatloaf's appearance, and it suddenly became very clear to me who Jack Black seems to be modelling himself after.
In the end, I'm glad I watched it to see what it was about, I learned some new moves to Time Warp, and I can check another goal off my list!
Thursday 7 July 2011
I'm Not Afraid To Take A Stand, Everybody Come Take My Hand
The first week of summer school has been crazy; I've been basically teaching 3 different classes all at once and it's been chaotic finding resources to but together an entire semester in just 2 weeks. But I think I've got it finally figured out, and next week should be a bit less frenetic. It didn't help that I seemed to be hit by some awful flu for a couple of days, but I finally feel like I'm on the mend today, so things are looking up.
My weight, however, is also on the up. The bad habits have continued. I can happily say however, that I would not classify it as a binge. I don't think I have been eating excessive quantities in one sitting, like I was likely to do in the past. Eating McDonald's and ice cream several nights in a row isn't a smart choice, but in my mind, not a binge. That being said, it is so hard to get back on the wagon once you have fallen off!! I haven't had one solid good food day in a week. I tried really hard yesterday; I wasn't sure what had triggered my stomach problems so I was trying to eat very clean. I had cereal for breakfast and veggies and hummus for lunch. Still feeling somewhat ill, I was craving M&M Meats French Onion Soup, so I planned to stop there on my way home from school. And of couse my mind wandered to all the other possibilities. Here's how my train of thought went. Seriously. Note where the devil kicks in and the angel fights back.
"Mmmm French Onion soup... so good... just the thing for when you are feeling sick. Too bad I have to stop and pick some up, I wish I already had some at home. In the winter, I was so good at keeping at least one in the freezer, but I didn't think I would eat much of it in the summer. Anyway, I should also pick up some chicken while I'm at the store, I think we are running low... Hmm... the chocolate chip banana cake at M&M's is really good... oh I really want some... No! I do not want to eat an entire cake, and I know that's exactly what would happen, if over the next day or two, if I bought that. But maybe I could get one of those individual lava chocolate chip cookie things they have... those are really good too.... But I really want some ice cream... I don't remember the ice cream from M&M's being very good, maybe I can just stop at Dairy Queen on the way by! What do I feel like.. oooh, maybe Mocha Chip Blizzard, definitely feeling like something mocha... No! I've had a really good day so far, I don't want to ruin it!"
Luckily I managed to get in and out of M&M's with just the soup and the chicken, and I drove past DQ. I had talked myself out of the bad food choices by the time I got back into town (I have a 45 minute commute). So I headed home, cooked dinner for Nick* (who was headed out with his mom for her birthday to see Transformers) and put my soup in the oven. And it was really good soup. And yet about an hour after I ate, I was feeling like a snack. I wanted that ice cream and I wanted something chocolatey. Without either in the house, I ended up on my fall back: bread with peanut butter and jam. By the way, it ALWAYS requires a few dollops of peanut butter in my mouth in between spreading it on the bread. The bread really isn't necessary, it's just a means to get the PB&J. I should really just mix myself a bowl of PB&J and skip the bread. Really. (Don't think I haven't done it before.)
After that, the floodgates were open. I asked Nick* to pick me up some ice cream. Luckily I opted for a single serve sundae from the convenience store, a better choice than a blizzard or entire carton. But there went down the tubes my effort to get through one day unscathed.
So far today has gone well, but I know very well how simple it i for me to get to 5:00pm. It's all that happens thereafter that makes or breaks a day for me. But dinner is planned and we have baseball tonight, so hopefully I can get myself to the end of the day without having made a poor choice. I know that all it takes is one day to start the streak, and it gets easier each day. But I truly feel addicted to junk food, like once I've had some, I continue to crave more. And the longer I go without having it, the easier it gets. So I just have to get through one day, just one day...
Tomorrow I'll talk about the lovely Two Fit Chicks podcast I listened to today; it will help with one of my goals and hopefully improve my non-existent (and weight-inducing) self-love!
My weight, however, is also on the up. The bad habits have continued. I can happily say however, that I would not classify it as a binge. I don't think I have been eating excessive quantities in one sitting, like I was likely to do in the past. Eating McDonald's and ice cream several nights in a row isn't a smart choice, but in my mind, not a binge. That being said, it is so hard to get back on the wagon once you have fallen off!! I haven't had one solid good food day in a week. I tried really hard yesterday; I wasn't sure what had triggered my stomach problems so I was trying to eat very clean. I had cereal for breakfast and veggies and hummus for lunch. Still feeling somewhat ill, I was craving M&M Meats French Onion Soup, so I planned to stop there on my way home from school. And of couse my mind wandered to all the other possibilities. Here's how my train of thought went. Seriously. Note where the devil kicks in and the angel fights back.
"Mmmm French Onion soup... so good... just the thing for when you are feeling sick. Too bad I have to stop and pick some up, I wish I already had some at home. In the winter, I was so good at keeping at least one in the freezer, but I didn't think I would eat much of it in the summer. Anyway, I should also pick up some chicken while I'm at the store, I think we are running low... Hmm... the chocolate chip banana cake at M&M's is really good... oh I really want some... No! I do not want to eat an entire cake, and I know that's exactly what would happen, if over the next day or two, if I bought that. But maybe I could get one of those individual lava chocolate chip cookie things they have... those are really good too.... But I really want some ice cream... I don't remember the ice cream from M&M's being very good, maybe I can just stop at Dairy Queen on the way by! What do I feel like.. oooh, maybe Mocha Chip Blizzard, definitely feeling like something mocha... No! I've had a really good day so far, I don't want to ruin it!"
Luckily I managed to get in and out of M&M's with just the soup and the chicken, and I drove past DQ. I had talked myself out of the bad food choices by the time I got back into town (I have a 45 minute commute). So I headed home, cooked dinner for Nick* (who was headed out with his mom for her birthday to see Transformers) and put my soup in the oven. And it was really good soup. And yet about an hour after I ate, I was feeling like a snack. I wanted that ice cream and I wanted something chocolatey. Without either in the house, I ended up on my fall back: bread with peanut butter and jam. By the way, it ALWAYS requires a few dollops of peanut butter in my mouth in between spreading it on the bread. The bread really isn't necessary, it's just a means to get the PB&J. I should really just mix myself a bowl of PB&J and skip the bread. Really. (Don't think I haven't done it before.)
After that, the floodgates were open. I asked Nick* to pick me up some ice cream. Luckily I opted for a single serve sundae from the convenience store, a better choice than a blizzard or entire carton. But there went down the tubes my effort to get through one day unscathed.
So far today has gone well, but I know very well how simple it i for me to get to 5:00pm. It's all that happens thereafter that makes or breaks a day for me. But dinner is planned and we have baseball tonight, so hopefully I can get myself to the end of the day without having made a poor choice. I know that all it takes is one day to start the streak, and it gets easier each day. But I truly feel addicted to junk food, like once I've had some, I continue to crave more. And the longer I go without having it, the easier it gets. So I just have to get through one day, just one day...
Tomorrow I'll talk about the lovely Two Fit Chicks podcast I listened to today; it will help with one of my goals and hopefully improve my non-existent (and weight-inducing) self-love!
Monday 4 July 2011
Infect Me With Your Love And Fill Me With Your Poison
It's so hard getting back on track once you've dabbled into the so-called 'bad' foods, especially when you are teaching summer school and have no time to devote to meal planning or prepping! (Summer school is the most chaotic job on the planet I think)
I didn't do terribly today, but I am just so snack-y and quickly grabbing whatever and not really tracking or measuring. I doubt I will weigh in tomorrow; after getting a 5 lbs star last week, I would be embarassed to show up and have gained it all back.
My plan is to find time in the next few days to actually reflect on the weekend, and try to learn where I went wrong. Normally I just beat myself up and feel guilty about having messed up, but yet I repeat the mistake again in a matter of weeks. So this time I would like to figure out where my triggers were, think about what my state of mind was when I overate, and come up with a better plan for next time. I think that's the only way I can improve in the long run.
I didn't do terribly today, but I am just so snack-y and quickly grabbing whatever and not really tracking or measuring. I doubt I will weigh in tomorrow; after getting a 5 lbs star last week, I would be embarassed to show up and have gained it all back.
My plan is to find time in the next few days to actually reflect on the weekend, and try to learn where I went wrong. Normally I just beat myself up and feel guilty about having messed up, but yet I repeat the mistake again in a matter of weeks. So this time I would like to figure out where my triggers were, think about what my state of mind was when I overate, and come up with a better plan for next time. I think that's the only way I can improve in the long run.
Sunday 3 July 2011
Your Love Is Better Than Ice Cream, Better Than Anything Else That I've Tried
This weekend was fabulous; unfortunately not so fabulous diet-wise. There was so many meals away from home, my resolution just faltered after the first few. Food out of my hands meant I became out of control. Strangely enough, it was still an improvement from most of my old binges. But there was the International Food Festival, dinner and breakfast at the cottage, lunch at Johnny Eh's, dinner from Boston Pizza, and dinner at a friend of my parents. Thankfully the weekend is over and I can get back on track right away. I'm scared what the damage will be though. This morning I weighed in at 180.8, exactly 5 lbs more than Friday morning. Somehow that seems downright insane. I hate that even small slides mean disastrous backslides on the scale. I've basically lost much of my progress from the last month. I just hope it balances out a bit better by Tuesday.
I'm all set up for several goals; I bought two puzzles, got a couple of books from the library and have downloaded a few movies. I feel like I've done lots of prep work so finishing more goals should happen in the near future!
I'm all set up for several goals; I bought two puzzles, got a couple of books from the library and have downloaded a few movies. I feel like I've done lots of prep work so finishing more goals should happen in the near future!
Saturday 2 July 2011
When You're Happy Like A Fool, Let It Take You Over
What a fabulous day; I spent the last 8 hours just reading. Mostly out on the back porch, with the birds chirping and our cat running around in the yard; it doesn't get much better than that.
My book of choice today was One Day by David Nicholls. It's also coming out as a movie soon, which makes it one of my selections for goal #6, reading/watching 10 book/movie combos. Without giving anything away, it reminded me of one of my favourite books, Where Rainbows End by Cecilia Ahren, but with a very different ending. And because that warrants it's own side story...
When I was living in Japan (June 2005-April 2006) I came across a huge bookstore that had a very decent English novel selection. Since I was desperate for reading material (the library selection wasn't great and I could only stand so much Danielle Steel), I bought several books that may not have fallen into my usual repetoire, including Where Rainbows End. I loved it. The entire book is written in phone transcripts, email and letter correspondence, instant messaging, never in prose. Which sounds tough to get through, but it really isn't.
I had to suddenly leave Japan for family reasons, and quickly passed my books on to friends; one less thing to pack on the long journey home. But the book just stuck with me, so much so that I stole cheesy lines from it to use on Nick* (which we still use to this day, and yes he's aware I stole it from a book). Unfortunately, I couldn't remember the exact title, and had no guesses on the author whatsoever. I could have sworn it was called P.S I Love You, which you may know as the sad love story-turned-movie featuring Hilary Swank, but nothing I Googled came up with the right story line. All I could remember was the line "Love you lots like Jelly Tots" and the fact that the bed and breakfast in the book was called The Buttercup. Oh and that it was set in the UK. But that really wasn't much for Google to go on. I would randomly search every couple of months in hopes of new results, but I never found what I was looking for, nor could I recall any other specific details to help my search.
But then.... I was given a Chapters giftcard for Christmas a couple of years ago. I was browsing through the fiction section, looking for nothing in particular, when a title caught my eye: P.S I Love You (I was still adamant that that was the name of my long-lost book, and that it must have been an obscure novel and over-shadowed by the movie fame of the same name). But right beside it, was a pink and purple paperback that I recognized and knew instantly was the beloved book I had been looking for. It was like a novel love story. I've never been happier to see a book in my life. Seriously. That's how much I love the book. (Obviously I bought it that day). Oh and the reason it was beside P.S I Love You? Same author. The reason why I thought my cherished book was called P.S I Love You? Across the top of the paperback is "Best-selling Author of P.S I Love You". The reason Google failed me despite these connections? I don't know. For years I had been so close, and yet it took a random stroll in the book store to find exactly what I was looking for.
Where Rainbows End is a story of two best friends who love each other, but are never quite in the same place at the same time to actually have a relationship. One Day is a story of two best friends who love each other, but are never quite in the same place at the same time to actually have a relationship. Where Rainbows End, as I mentioned, occurs solely by various forms of correspondence. One Day gives you each chapter as July 15th, over 20 years. Both novels take place in the UK. Despite the similarities, these are two very distinct books, and I highly recommend both. If you can find a copy.
Here's the trailer for One Day; it looks surprisingly true to the novel, so I am looking forward to seeing it when it comes out.
My book of choice today was One Day by David Nicholls. It's also coming out as a movie soon, which makes it one of my selections for goal #6, reading/watching 10 book/movie combos. Without giving anything away, it reminded me of one of my favourite books, Where Rainbows End by Cecilia Ahren, but with a very different ending. And because that warrants it's own side story...
When I was living in Japan (June 2005-April 2006) I came across a huge bookstore that had a very decent English novel selection. Since I was desperate for reading material (the library selection wasn't great and I could only stand so much Danielle Steel), I bought several books that may not have fallen into my usual repetoire, including Where Rainbows End. I loved it. The entire book is written in phone transcripts, email and letter correspondence, instant messaging, never in prose. Which sounds tough to get through, but it really isn't.
I had to suddenly leave Japan for family reasons, and quickly passed my books on to friends; one less thing to pack on the long journey home. But the book just stuck with me, so much so that I stole cheesy lines from it to use on Nick* (which we still use to this day, and yes he's aware I stole it from a book). Unfortunately, I couldn't remember the exact title, and had no guesses on the author whatsoever. I could have sworn it was called P.S I Love You, which you may know as the sad love story-turned-movie featuring Hilary Swank, but nothing I Googled came up with the right story line. All I could remember was the line "Love you lots like Jelly Tots" and the fact that the bed and breakfast in the book was called The Buttercup. Oh and that it was set in the UK. But that really wasn't much for Google to go on. I would randomly search every couple of months in hopes of new results, but I never found what I was looking for, nor could I recall any other specific details to help my search.
But then.... I was given a Chapters giftcard for Christmas a couple of years ago. I was browsing through the fiction section, looking for nothing in particular, when a title caught my eye: P.S I Love You (I was still adamant that that was the name of my long-lost book, and that it must have been an obscure novel and over-shadowed by the movie fame of the same name). But right beside it, was a pink and purple paperback that I recognized and knew instantly was the beloved book I had been looking for. It was like a novel love story. I've never been happier to see a book in my life. Seriously. That's how much I love the book. (Obviously I bought it that day). Oh and the reason it was beside P.S I Love You? Same author. The reason why I thought my cherished book was called P.S I Love You? Across the top of the paperback is "Best-selling Author of P.S I Love You". The reason Google failed me despite these connections? I don't know. For years I had been so close, and yet it took a random stroll in the book store to find exactly what I was looking for.
Where Rainbows End is a story of two best friends who love each other, but are never quite in the same place at the same time to actually have a relationship. One Day is a story of two best friends who love each other, but are never quite in the same place at the same time to actually have a relationship. Where Rainbows End, as I mentioned, occurs solely by various forms of correspondence. One Day gives you each chapter as July 15th, over 20 years. Both novels take place in the UK. Despite the similarities, these are two very distinct books, and I highly recommend both. If you can find a copy.
Here's the trailer for One Day; it looks surprisingly true to the novel, so I am looking forward to seeing it when it comes out.
Friday 1 July 2011
The Red And White Flag, Keep It High Keep It Visual
Happy Canada Day!
Running at 8:15am didn't seem to be too much better for heat either, but it was nice to only have to run two 20 minute intervals! I've finally started Week 8 so the end is near for this Gateway to 8k training program. I was lucky enough this morning to let my mind wander so much that I barely realized I was running for the last stretch.
Busy day today, Nick* and I are in the Canada Day parade, then headed to the International Festival for lunch, then up to a friend's cottage for dinner and fireworks. What a great weekend!
As a random side note, since I forgot to address this earlier in the week; I did in fact make it through last weekend and all the food challenges it brought, and I lost weight. This morning I sit at 175.8 lbs!
Running at 8:15am didn't seem to be too much better for heat either, but it was nice to only have to run two 20 minute intervals! I've finally started Week 8 so the end is near for this Gateway to 8k training program. I was lucky enough this morning to let my mind wander so much that I barely realized I was running for the last stretch.
Busy day today, Nick* and I are in the Canada Day parade, then headed to the International Festival for lunch, then up to a friend's cottage for dinner and fireworks. What a great weekend!
As a random side note, since I forgot to address this earlier in the week; I did in fact make it through last weekend and all the food challenges it brought, and I lost weight. This morning I sit at 175.8 lbs!
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