I looked up quite a few different websites, and they were all pretty much the same in their explanation of how to meditate. Basically, sit how your comfortable, but sit up straight, usually cross-legged, but not necessarily. Start with shorter times, and work your way up. Focus on your breathing and your body and try to clear your mind. If your mind wanders, once you notice, simply re-focus on your breathing. Try counting your breaths and re-starting your count once you get to 10 each time (so you can't let your mind wander while you still somewhat consciously count your way up to 43 or something).
Day 1: I decided to put on some of my relaxation music; I have a 5 minute piece that is the sound of rainfall with instrumental piano. I figured that was a decent way to time myself; I would be done when the music stopped. I sat cross-legged on the couch (perhaps not the best choice for trying to sit up straight); it's still somewhat difficult to sit normally since surgery, so I was kinda limited for seating options. I think ideally, I would sit on the floor. I don't think I did too badly, honestly, for a first try. I tried very hard to focus on my breathing, take deep breaths, and count to 10. A few times I was a little unsure of what count I was on, but I never went past 10. My mind didn't wander quite as much as I expected it to, and when it did, I caught it fairly quickly and returned to my breath. I was actually picturing lungs being filled and emptied (I'm such a science nerd); it was kinda what the instructor was having us do at my last yoga class. The only thought that was bugging me was wondering how long it had been, if it was 5 minutes yet. I guess that's the ultimate thing to conquer, the constant worry about time. Strangely enough tho, I felt like I was barely halfway through my 5 minutes when the music stopped. And even though it was only 5 minutes, I kinda felt refreshed, like how you're suppose to after a good nap (I hate naps, but that's another conversation). I'd say it was a success. It feels a bit daunting to make sure I do this every single day for a month, but I think it will be good for me.
Day 2: Maybe not quite as successful, but still making progress. I put on the same song again, but I kept thinking about all the things that were distracting me. I didn't think to tell Nick that I would be busy for 5 minutes and ask him to keep quiet, or stay downstairs, so I kept worrying he might come upstairs and interrupt, and I could hear his computer. The heat came on, which I always think is somewhat loud, and it makes the chimes sway, so I could hear that. I could hear cars driving by in the slush outside. I knew the cat was nearby and could decide to pounce in my lap at any moment. I guess I should really prepare my surroundings a little better if I want tranquility. Again, the 5 minutes seemed to surprisingly fly by. It's still a work in progress, but I like it.
Day 3: Not so great. I sneezed about 8 times, kept getting an itch on my face that I just had to scratch, and my mind kept wandering. Apparently I can focus on two things at once because I can still focus on my breathing and keep count while my mind thinks about getting ready for volleyball practice, or what song will I listen to next week. It seemed to go better when I literally pictured hands playing the piano while I still consciously counted my breaths. I guess I have a two-track mind. Maybe it matters what time of day I do it, or what I have going on afterwards as to how much I can stay focused?
Day 5: Do you have any idea how hard it is to not think about anything??
Day 8: I attempted a longer music piece today, 13 minutes. Except it turned out to be just rain, no piano or music of any kind. Which is very nice, very soothing, I love the sound of rain. But I honestly got bored. How sad is that? As if that's not proof of the over-stimulated world we live in that I couldn't sit silently for very long without getting bored. But then something cool happened: I got a headache. A pain in a very localized area. Of course I don't usually think that pain is cool, but I tried something: with each inhale, I visualized the oxygen (a healing element) rushing to that spot. Then with every exhale, I pictured all the pain (and bad stuff) being scooped away. Within about 7 breaths, the pain was gone. Completely. So I started trying the technique on other parts of my body, my tense neck muscles, the itch on my cheek, my wonky knee. And I started to lose count of my breaths, I was so focused on my body and how a very specific part was feeling. It was kinda cool. But then of course I ran out of body parts that I felt need soothing, and I got bored again. But I still think that today is progress!
Day 20: Wow am I bad at this. I've kinda tapped out at this point; 2 weeks was enough to know how I felt about meditation, but I promised myself a month so I am still plugging away. It's a really tough thing to do, think about nothing. I've tried focusing on the music, I've tried sitting in silence, I've counted so many breaths, and I've gone through visualizations of breaths reaching into various parts of my body, I've pictured fat dissipating with each breath. Breath, breath, breath. I can't just focus on nothing, my mind invariable wanders somewhere. I keep trying to reign it in and it just gets frustrating and a little boring. I think unfortunately now it has become a self-fulfilling process: I don't look forward to doing it, so I get nothing out of it. I sit with my eyes closed for 5 minutes and I breathe, and try ever so hard not to think about anything. But I think about everything. It's hard not to think of my to-do list, or what happened today. The worst thing that crosses my mind every time is how I would write about it here! I literally end up composing blog entries about what I am doing when I am suppose to be being silent and peaceful and not thinking about anything! Part of the problem is I just want to get it done. I don't enjoy the 5 minutes. I know it takes around 30 breaths. I know the music so well now that I listen for certain spots to tell me whether I'm almost done or not. I feel like I'm trying too hard, and this is one thing where you should just let yourself be. Plus I feel like forcing myself to do it no matter what doesn't work. I know that when you are stressed and busy, it's probably the time you need it most, but I find it much more beneficial when I actually have the time to be calm for a bit beforehand, and stay fairly calm for a while afterwards. If I just finished cooking dinner, getting ready for work tomorrow, taking a car for a test drive, and I know that I have homework for my courses to do afterwards and laundry to put away, I just don't enjoy those 5 minutes. So it's kinda defeating the whole purpose. When I'm already relaxed, it helps me feel good and relax even more. When I'm busy and in need of relaxing, it just makes me think of all the other things I could be doing that are more productive. And yes, I'm aware that being less stressed would make me more efficient and thus take me less time to do those other things and make the 5 minute break worthwhile. Maybe if I just let my mind wander rather than try so hard to bring it back to nothing, maybe then I would feel more refreshed. Maybe something to try tomorrow.
Day 24: I just relax, close my eyes, put my music on and let my mind wander now. I've given up on feeling guilty when I can't sit and think about nothing. And I don't dread it as much. Don't get me wrong, I'm still kinda doing it all just because I have to at this point. And that's not to say that I'm not trying; I do still try to re-focus on my breathing and try to stop letting my brain wander too much, I just don't beat myself up over it anymore.
Ok, so it wasn't a complete success, but it wasn't a total failure. It didn't go as I'd hoped, and I did eventually procrastinate on getting it done every day because I wasn't really enjoying it. But I still don't think it's a bad idea to take a few minutes out of a busy day and try to recharge. It's something I would try again sometime.
