Come On And Get Up, Move Your Body

I hadn't ran in over a week, and it was a procrastinating struggle to get my butt out the door, but I finally did and got a run in. It was a difficult run, I had a tough time getting an even breathing pattern going and I had a lot of random aches and pains in my knees and legs. But I did it and will hopefully get back into the habit of running regularly. I'm proud of myself for making the right decision when all I wanted to do was get comfy on the couch. And I can still say that I've never felt worse after a workout.

I spent some time yesterday compiling some of the movies I'll be watching for my various film goals, and there's lots to look forward to. I can't wait to finally see all these classic moments in history, from Some Like It Hot, to Psycho, to Schindler's List. I even found a way to work in Breakfast at Tiffany's.

Tomorrow night will be a challenge food-wise; there's a potluck party for all the women staff at my high school (the guys do their own weekend at the cottage too). I'm not really terribly inclined to go; a social event with a bunch of people I don't know very well isn't exactly my cup of tea. I always feel so awkward and socially inept, not to mention I am sure there are still several teachers that won't even recognize me or know who I am. (and yes, I realize that's all the more reason to go, to get to know these people). But I know that I should go, not only because I want to be at this school long-term and should continue to strengthen relationships with staff, but to push myself to do something that makes me uncomfortable. I have the feeling that most of these women know each other fairly well, so I imagine I will be surrounded by inside jokes and comfortable banter, whereas I will be relegated to get-to-know-you small talk, which is what tends to make me most uncomfortable. I really don't know how I ended up as such a social reject, but I am so bad at these interactions. I feel like I try too hard, I don't want to say the wrong thing, I worry about doing the wrong thing (whatever that even is at a party), and because I'm stressing so much about all those things, I end up doing (so I think) exactly what I am trying not to do. I worry about ending up sitting by myself, looking sad and pathetic and potentially unapproachable. I worry about trying to join in a conversation when I'm not actually wanted. It's such a mess. Not to mention that the party is further away from the school (which is already a 45 minute drive) by I'm guessing about 20 minutes. I say guessing because I also have yet to be given directions on how to get there, so I also have to awkwardly ask for some, or ask to follow someone out there and hope I can find my way home. And yet my chicken divan is cooling and ready to go with me to school tomorrow. Sometimes I don't understand why I torture myself. Nor do I understand why I am so self-conscious in the first place.