Patience is not something I typically possess.
I'm torn because I'm happy I'm headed in the right direction, but I'm frustrated because it's going so slow. Yesterday I was ecstatic because I finally saw a big drop on the scale; down to 181.8 lbs. I was exhilarated that things were finally going right, I was finally being rewarded with numbers that matched my effort. And then, despite another good day yesterday, I woke up to 182.4 lbs. And my brain doesn't see that I was 184.2 lbs on Wednesday, it sees that I went up. My brain doesn't see that I was 196.8 at the beginning of last month, it sees that I've been working so hard and am only getting little results. I really have to stop with the daily weigh-ins, or learn to stop taking them so literal.
I need to remind myself that weight fluctuates no matter what you do, no matter how many great days you have. I need to remember that what I am doing is finally sustainable, and I can achieve my goals this way. But it's still hard.
I think my biggest concern is the time. Time I don't have. To complete my goal list, I have to wear a bikini in public, which means by the end of summer. At this rate (3-4 lbs lost per month), I will weigh around 160 lbs by the end of August, and that to me does not sound like a bikini body. I have to wear a sexy Halloween costume, and if I'm around 153 lbs. by the end of October... I mean it's good, I don't know about sexy. I have a photo shoot to do once I've lost all the weight. My goal list ends next February. I'm feeling the pressure for sure.
I just really wanted to be out of the 180s by the end of the month, and with just 10 days, I don't see that happening. Stupidly enough, on my SparkPeople graph, I'm underneath where I need to be to reach my goal (137 lbs) by the end of August. So I'm doing something right. I just wish I would let myself truly see that and appreciate that. I just continue to be nervous about the fact that I dropped so much right away last month (which happens whenever anyone starts a healthy lifestyle to lose weight). I'm afraid that once I balance out to a steady weight loss, it won't average out quite the same and won't be enough to get to my goal in time.
And of course, what's the point in worrying? I'm still doing really great. I'm on top of my workouts, following Jillian Michaels Body Revolution; just finished Week 2 yesterday. Not a day has gone by that I haven't counted my calories since January 2, and there's been only 3 or 4 days where I've gone over my range. I've been doing great.
I think the first two weeks of February really took a toll on my emotional side to weight loss. It was really hard to see no real change on the scale for so long while I continued to work hard. It just didn't seem fair. And I thought yesterday was finally compensation for enduring those 2 weeks of frustration.
In the end, I could get on the scale tomorrow and be back down to that precious 181.8 lbs, or even lower (doubtful, today is my day off for Body Revolution, and there's no volleyball because of Family Day, so not a lot of activity in my day). With more than a week to go this month, I really still could see the 170s. Realistically, I'm worrying for nothing, and all it's doing is unnecessarily stressing me out.
So stop worrying!
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