There's Never A Wish Better Than This, When You've Only Got 100 Years To Live

The list is up, the list is up! Check out my 101 Things To Do In 1001 Days, inspired entirely by Julie and fueled largely by the Day Zero Project. I'll break them down, and keep you posted on how I'm doing as I get through the list. I'm really excited to get started!

Today I ended the binge-fest that has been the last two weeks. I tapped out at 188.2 lbs this morning and wow am I ever feeling these extra pounds on me. I feel so thick and so heavy, it's just plain yuck. So I will be very happy as they start to disappear again.

I listened to a really great podcast this afternoon, from Jillian Michaels of course! She was talking about her new book, Unlimited, which I just finished this past weekend. The book was supposed to be more self-help on getting what you want on life, and a little less on specifics of weight loss. The book left me wanting more, mostly because I was reading it expecting it to help me through the reasons why I sabotage myself and why I choose to eat so much. Instead, it covered vague and generic 'believe in yourself' type platitudes. Still a good read, just not what I was hoping for. Her podcast, however, seemed to hit the right nerve, even though it just seemed like the same content in the book. Maybe just hearing the emotion behind the words? Or perhaps paraphrased ever so slightly? I really don't know. But it truly hit me that as long as I believe deep-down that I will not succeed, I will fail, no matter how many times I try. I will perpetually be a self-fulfilling prophecy. But here's the problem. I fully accept that I need to believe 100% that I will succeed if I truly do want to shed the weight. I know that my current attitude of "hopefully this will be the last time, but if it's not..." will never get me to where I want to be. But the thing is, I have no idea on how to make myself believe it! Of course I tell myself that I can do it. But somewhere inside me there is always that voice saying "Nah, you probably won't do it, you failed every other time, so why is this time any different?" And being the math teacher that I am, numbers don't lie, and my stats are against me. So truly, how do I get myself to believe something that goes against my gut feeling? How can I force myself to believe that I am indeed capable of reaching my goals? It seems like an impossible circle, I can't achieve my goals until I believe that I can do it, but I can't believe that I can do it until I see myself accomplish it. How can I become confident that I can do this? Because I fear that I really won't succeed until I break this barrier.