The Monster In The Closet, When The Lights Turned On Is Just A Jacket On A Hanger And The Fear Is Gone

I'm in the midst of a bender. Sort of. The last few days have not been great, I've over-eaten, had chips and chocolate, and generally not cared how much I snacked. And of course the scale has crept up a bit. But I don't care. Well, of course I do, but I'm having a tough time getting myself back on track. And I'm currently craving more, and I always wish after the fact that I could have stopped myself, but it always feels like I'm in some kinda of cugar/carb induced/craving daze that can't see logic or reason. So I managed to have a moment of clarity (which is waning) that urged me to stop and write before I committed any further eating sins.

I was just browsing the M&M Meats website looking for what dessert I wanted to indulge in for tonight. The buttercream brownies are to die for, but I really love nanimo bars, and the tiger brownies are pretty good, and the banana chocolate chips cake is super yummy, and then there are all kinds of fantastic sounding dishes that I've never even tried. I have been craving chocolate HUGE for the last week, every day. And I've been giving in pretty much every day. But it just won't go away. And I know, I am 100% certain, that if I bought any of those desserts, it would be entirely gone within a day or two. Oh I can easily polish of a tray of sweets in no time, sick to my stomach or not. Part me wants to stop that trend, wants me to not go to the store to give in to this needless emotional eating. But there's still that part of me that wants the chocolate. And even though that part of me knows that no good will come in pigging out on brownies, other than the brief moment of taste in my mouth, whereas I will feel and be much better off without them.... I still feel like the chocolate monster is going to win today. Maybe all I can take is the slight victory that I managed to stop myself enough to write. I was able to skip out of the daze long enough to open a tab to my blog and start writing. And maybe if I can do that again next time, maybe I will improve even more and not get the chocolate that time.