It took a while to find a decent place, although it has certainly become more popular in the last year or so. There are now several parks in Ontario, plus it's available at a water park too. When I first picked the goal, I think there was one, and I actually was hoping to go in New Brunswick while we visited Nick's sister two summers ago. But it turns out there is one 15 minutes from us, so that's where we ended up.
Like most of them, it was part of a ropes course. Cables and obstacles from tree to tree, way up in the air. I don't have a fear of heights, but I do have a fear of falling (and yes, there is a difference. I love being high up, I don't love the sensation of losing balance/control and falling).
We were strapped in securely into a harness, and we were always attached by at least one carabiner. But the obstacles were challenging. Some were just like walking a tightrope, others you had to navigate over wobbly logs, at one point we had to climb a dangling wall with a porcupine stencil as foot and hand grips. With the first course done, I had discovered that I did not have decent upper arm strength (ok, that wasn't new information), that some things are easier the taller you are (ok, again, nothing new), and that ziplining maybe wasn't really all that fun (ok, that part was new). Even though I was trying to do what we were told, I couldn't seem to steer properly, and the first zip, I hit the tree sideways and scratched up my arm a little. The problem was, I didn't know what I was doing wrong, so I didn't know how to fix it.
After the first course, part of me wanted to be done. It was scary than I expected. Actually, I hadn't expected it to be scary at all, but it was taking a lot of mental/emotional strength for me to get through it. It was physically hard, and I felt embarrassed that the big girl couldn't handle it. I did it of course, and I'm sure no one thought twice about me, but it was nerve-wrecking. But I'm stubborn and don't give up that easily, so I headed on to the next course. Where it all fell apart.
The obstacles were harder. Although I knew if I fell, it wouldn't be far, all I could think about was the humiliation and the pain of the harness yanking on me, plus the difficulty of having to pull myself back onto the course. I knew I wouldn't be the first, but I didn't want to be the catch of the day either. If staff had to come rescue you, you were grounded for good, no second chance.
The cables dug into my arms. I developed bruises on my upper arms and around my armpits from where the cables rubbed against me. And then came the next zip. I tried yet again to steer with no luck; I was heading into the platform completely backwards. I couldn't see the girl (staff) trying to hand me the rope, although I could hear her telling me to grab it. I reached around and slammed calf first into the platform. Not good. I also missed the rope, so I zipped back towards the middle of the cable. Once I stopped, I had to work my hand over hand back to the platform. Embarrassing, and physically challenging. I already was feeling lousy about myself, and it only got worse. The girl was rude with me, like it ruined her day because I missed the rope. I asked her what I was doing wrong, and all she could say was that made I wasn't doing it right. Well obviously. I was trying to do what they showed us in orientation, and it didn't seem to be working.
The course continued. The obstacles got tougher. I watched a 9 year old and his dad fly through the course no problem. I got shakier and more agitated. I did not like it at all. I was just about ready to call it quits after this second course, but there was still 3 more and I do not let myself give up easily.
Then we came to the third to last obstacle of the course. You had to reach out and grab a rope and swing yourself across to the next platform. For the first time, my feet would not be on a cable or log, I had to jump. Like Tarzan. Or George of the Jungle. Nick went first and threw the rope back to me (I couldn't even reach it otherwise). It took some deep breaths but eventually I jumped. I didn't make it.
I dangled between the two platforms. I tried to give myself momentum to swing back, but my carabiners were stuck on the cable and wouldn't let me swing further. I had to let go of the rope, so I flopped down, held on by two carabiners and my harness. I tried to reach either platform with my feet to kick off, but they were slightly above my legs, and I couldn't reach. I was embarrassed and humiliated and everything I didn't want to happen had happened. Two girls behind me were trying to give me suggestions (they were quite nice actually) and Nick was doing everything he could to reach out and pull me up. I kept trying to swing one way or the other, but there was too much weight on the carabiners, and they wouldn't budge. I finally got them to move enough so that I was closer to Nick's side (I didn't care that I was technically closer to the stating platform; I wasn't about to do that again). But even with him trying to help, I was hanging so much lower than the platform that it was difficult to get my feet on it and pull myself up. By this point, a staff member was working their way over to me; it couldn't get any worse. Just as she got to the platform, Nick pulled me up. It was everything I had not to burst into tears. I hurt in every way; physically and emotionally.
It probably was all of 1 minute, maybe two, but it felt like forever. Unless you've ever been the fat girl in an awkward situation, you probably don't understand. Perhaps I perpetuated it all, by fearing it so much, I may have subconsciously willed it to happen, the whole self-fulfilling prophecy and all. Either way, I scrambled my way through the last two obstacles (thankfully not too bad of ones), and was very happy to be back on the ground. And very happy to never climb up again. (Ok, maybe not never, but I was certainly done for the day).
With an ice pack on my massively swollen and bruised calf (it's been 18 days and I still can't cross my legs; the black and yellow has faded, but the road rash is still there, and I can't lean on it in any way), Nick finished the last two challenging courses; I did not mind sitting them out one bit.
The day was not a success for me. I tried to conquer a fear, but I think it beat me. I fear physical pain too much, but then add in the embarrassment factor, and it was just way too much for me. I don't even know if it's something I want to attempt to conquer in the future; I may be content just letting it go.
I'm sure Nick was proud to see you try so hard.
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