Even The Sun Sets In Paradise

*insert heavy sigh here*


I fared well throughout the day today, then came home late, skipped my run and went right for the large portion of mac n cheese, and the rest of my chocolate stash. At least it's all gone.

Maybe now that there is no more trigger food in the house, I will fare better tomorrow?

I just wish I knew what makes that little switch in my brain go off that says throw all logic out the window and start pigging out. When I look back on the last 2 hours, I feel like I was in a trance of sorts, pure mindless eating. But when I'm in the midst of it, it's like I'm a zombie and there's no getting out of it. And when it starts, as soon as there's the slightest inkling of a thought of over-eating, it's like it has been carved in stone and it must be done, even if I don't really want to and it was just a fleeting thought. The problem is, because it's such a habit now, those fleeting thoughts come often. It's like I see/smell/think of food, and I think "hey, here's a chance for me to overeat". And even if I truly had no desire to actually do that, because the thought flitted through my brain, it's now going to happen. Trance starts now. And my head is only clear when all the food is gone.

I know the long list of things to do when the urge to overeat comes along; go for a walk, phone a friend, drink a glass of water, distract yourself somehow. But as soon as that urge hits, the part of my brain that knows to think about those things always seems to have taken a lunch break. And nothing but eating is even remotely appealing anyway. So how do I make myself think logically when I'm in a completely illogical frame of mind? If only I could plead insanity against the scale...