As I Recall I Think We Both Kinda Liked It

I felt like I was missing out on cultural references because I hadn't seen certain movies. I mean seriously, do you know how often Citizen Kane is referred to?? It's ridiculous. Just the other day, the guy on the radio was making a joke about Fast 6 and called it the Citizen Kane of 6th movies (it was the Edge, it's not exactly an intelligent station). And I'm pretty sure it's mentioned in Dawson's Creek at some point. So I felt like I wanted to be part of the crowd that actually understood all the references.

I still don't get all the Citizen Kane references though. It was an ok movie, ripe for analysis of symbolism. It must have been phenomenal when it was released because it didn't seem that spectacular now. But having seen it, I still feel like I'm missing the point. Maybe it's not so much the movie that people are always referring to, but the aura of it? The length of it, the awards it won? I don't know but at least I get the Rosebud references now =)

I also watched a Marilyn Munroe movie, Gentlemen Prefer Blondes; it nicely matched the biography of her I read.

I also threw in Breakfast At Tiffany's (not that exciting sadly), Psycho (kinda fun, plus I get Bates references now), and Carrie (yea for pig blood!).

I feel a bit more cultured now!

I Don't Know But I Believe In Yesterday

Ok, so I lied when I said I would talk about the podcast yesterday, but I'll talk about it today!

The reason I found it intriguing is because the guest on Two Fit Chicks was talking about learning to love yourself by looking at yourself in the mirror. One of my goals (#55) is to practice looking at myself in the mirror and stating things I like about myself, and making that a regular practice. But this podcast gave me a slightly different variation of that. The idea is to stand with your back to the mirror first with your eyes closed and conjure up the thoughts and feelings of someone/something you love unconditionally (spouse, child, puppy, whatever you need to think about) until you literally physically feel the love and emotion for that person. Only when you physically feel this do you turn around and slowly soften and open your eyes to transfer that visceral feeling of love onto yourself. It sounds a bit hokey, but somehow still powerful.

The argument is that it's relatively meaningless for me to stand in front of the mirror and force myself to think something like "Wow, I love my eyes", or "My wrists are great". If I don't believe it, if there is no meaning in me saying it, am I really providing any benefit in the exercise? If I continue to say it, the hope is that I will eventually believe it, but will that really work? This slightly different approach assumes that feelings and emotions are much stronger than just logical thought in your brain. If you feel the love directed at yourself, an association will develop, and eventually you actually will believe that your eyes are beautiful and that you have wonderful wrists, and that the rest of your body is open to be truly loved as well. Not to mention the rest of your being!

Anyhow, it gave me some food for thought in how to approach that particular goal. And speaking of goals, I watched another movie from my list last night, Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. It was my first introduction to a real live Marilyn Munroe (of course I've seen pictures) and it was actually a cute movie. Sometimes hard to remember that songs just naturally appear in movies of that age, but a refreshing change really. I really have no idea where they got the title from, it really should have been called Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend, or something along those lines. The title just made me feel bad for her equally pretty and talented brunette friend. Overall, it was a good movie, and I have 4 more 'classic' movies to watch to complete Goal #11. And yes, classic by my own definition!

I wish I found it easier to get up early; mornings are so beautiful! I hit the farmer's market this morning for strawberries, raspberries, cherries, asparagus and baby potatoes, then went for a run. I've really been feeling like a legitimate runner lately; I just feel lighter on my feet, there's more bounce in my step, even when I'm getting tired. So I was rather saddened to calculate that I only covered 5.55km this morning in 55 minutes. And I thought I had done quite well and was improving. But it is what it is, I need to keep focus on finishing the 10km race, not worrying about how fast I do it.

Nick* and I are headed out today for mini-golf, batting cages, rock-climbing, Ribfest, and Bad Teacher. I love date days! Oh, and Wag-Jag too for providing the first 3 activities at a low cost =)

Come On And Get Up, Move Your Body

I hadn't ran in over a week, and it was a procrastinating struggle to get my butt out the door, but I finally did and got a run in. It was a difficult run, I had a tough time getting an even breathing pattern going and I had a lot of random aches and pains in my knees and legs. But I did it and will hopefully get back into the habit of running regularly. I'm proud of myself for making the right decision when all I wanted to do was get comfy on the couch. And I can still say that I've never felt worse after a workout.

I spent some time yesterday compiling some of the movies I'll be watching for my various film goals, and there's lots to look forward to. I can't wait to finally see all these classic moments in history, from Some Like It Hot, to Psycho, to Schindler's List. I even found a way to work in Breakfast at Tiffany's.

Tomorrow night will be a challenge food-wise; there's a potluck party for all the women staff at my high school (the guys do their own weekend at the cottage too). I'm not really terribly inclined to go; a social event with a bunch of people I don't know very well isn't exactly my cup of tea. I always feel so awkward and socially inept, not to mention I am sure there are still several teachers that won't even recognize me or know who I am. (and yes, I realize that's all the more reason to go, to get to know these people). But I know that I should go, not only because I want to be at this school long-term and should continue to strengthen relationships with staff, but to push myself to do something that makes me uncomfortable. I have the feeling that most of these women know each other fairly well, so I imagine I will be surrounded by inside jokes and comfortable banter, whereas I will be relegated to get-to-know-you small talk, which is what tends to make me most uncomfortable. I really don't know how I ended up as such a social reject, but I am so bad at these interactions. I feel like I try too hard, I don't want to say the wrong thing, I worry about doing the wrong thing (whatever that even is at a party), and because I'm stressing so much about all those things, I end up doing (so I think) exactly what I am trying not to do. I worry about ending up sitting by myself, looking sad and pathetic and potentially unapproachable. I worry about trying to join in a conversation when I'm not actually wanted. It's such a mess. Not to mention that the party is further away from the school (which is already a 45 minute drive) by I'm guessing about 20 minutes. I say guessing because I also have yet to be given directions on how to get there, so I also have to awkwardly ask for some, or ask to follow someone out there and hope I can find my way home. And yet my chicken divan is cooling and ready to go with me to school tomorrow. Sometimes I don't understand why I torture myself. Nor do I understand why I am so self-conscious in the first place.