The list is up, the list is up! Check out my 101 Things To Do In 1001 Days, inspired entirely by Julie and fueled largely by the Day Zero Project. I'll break them down, and keep you posted on how I'm doing as I get through the list. I'm really excited to get started!
Today I ended the binge-fest that has been the last two weeks. I tapped out at 188.2 lbs this morning and wow am I ever feeling these extra pounds on me. I feel so thick and so heavy, it's just plain yuck. So I will be very happy as they start to disappear again.
I listened to a really great podcast this afternoon, from Jillian Michaels of course! She was talking about her new book, Unlimited, which I just finished this past weekend. The book was supposed to be more self-help on getting what you want on life, and a little less on specifics of weight loss. The book left me wanting more, mostly because I was reading it expecting it to help me through the reasons why I sabotage myself and why I choose to eat so much. Instead, it covered vague and generic 'believe in yourself' type platitudes. Still a good read, just not what I was hoping for. Her podcast, however, seemed to hit the right nerve, even though it just seemed like the same content in the book. Maybe just hearing the emotion behind the words? Or perhaps paraphrased ever so slightly? I really don't know. But it truly hit me that as long as I believe deep-down that I will not succeed, I will fail, no matter how many times I try. I will perpetually be a self-fulfilling prophecy. But here's the problem. I fully accept that I need to believe 100% that I will succeed if I truly do want to shed the weight. I know that my current attitude of "hopefully this will be the last time, but if it's not..." will never get me to where I want to be. But the thing is, I have no idea on how to make myself believe it! Of course I tell myself that I can do it. But somewhere inside me there is always that voice saying "Nah, you probably won't do it, you failed every other time, so why is this time any different?" And being the math teacher that I am, numbers don't lie, and my stats are against me. So truly, how do I get myself to believe something that goes against my gut feeling? How can I force myself to believe that I am indeed capable of reaching my goals? It seems like an impossible circle, I can't achieve my goals until I believe that I can do it, but I can't believe that I can do it until I see myself accomplish it. How can I become confident that I can do this? Because I fear that I really won't succeed until I break this barrier.
Showing posts with label 101 things. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 101 things. Show all posts
Tuesday, 24 May 2011
Friday, 20 May 2011
Is This The Prize I've Waited For? Have I Got A Long Way To Run
Although I have yet to finish my list of 101 things to do in 1001 days, it's a work in progress. I have about 55 unedited goals at the moment, and I keep adding more as I think about it, and as I peruse Day Zero Project. But at least one of my goals consists of running a 10km race, which I have already signed up for. So I am in the midst of training for it.
I was never a runner. Ever. I was overweight by the time I was in grade 3, and track and field consisted of chatty walks with friends. I don't think I ever completed the 800m without walking part of it. Running just wasn't my style. Besides, fat people don't run.
About 3 years ago, I decided I wanted to try running as a means to lose weight. I tried a Couch to 5K podcast that started nice and easy, run 60 seconds, walk 90 seconds. I could handle that. But by week 3, I felt way out of my league. I started and stopped a few times but never really had a clear goal. One day I decided I wanted to run the length of one my favourite songs, 500 Miles by The Proclaimers (all 3 and a half minutes of it). I never quite got there. At least not that summer.
The following year, I decided to give it another try. I was hovering within a few pounds of 200, and I feared that like nothing else. The first time I went out, I pushed to 500m. And I worked from there. One day I even managed to run for 2.7 km. Not bad for someone who didn't run. I then went back to the Couch to 5K podcast. I spent about two weeks on each training week, but I didn't give up. I just kept on running those timed intervals and my goal was to run 5km by the end of the summer. Panic kicked in at the end of August though when I realized that although I was completing each podcast, my speed was much (much) slower than was apparently intended for the average runner, so although I was running 30-35 minutes, I was not covering 5km, not even close. I worried that my goal was no longer a possibility. But on the offical last weekend of summer (hey, until that calendar hit September 21, it was still technically summer and would still count!), I ran my first 5km. It took me just under an hour. I thought I would have felt beyond elated, but somehow I didn't feel much of anything. Somehow I just wasn't able to feel proud of myself.
I promptly stopped running after my 5k. Winter went by. Through all this, my weight varied, but by January 2010, I hit that dreaded number on the scale (it was only one day tho!!) Shortly thereafter I decided to take a beginner triathlon training course at the gym. It was 2 sessions a week, 3 hours each. It was crazy, it was intense, it was like nothing I'd ever done before. I thought the running part would be the hardest, but biking turned out to be my nemesis and I actually kind of enjoyed running. And on the day of the race last June, at 192 lbs, I finished the race (400 m swim, 10 km bike and 2.5 km run) in 1 hour 34 minutes; I came in dead last. Which made my victory of completion rather bittersweet. Yet again, I wasn't quite able to fully feel proud of myself. Learning to not compare myself to others is clearly a large hurdle for me.
I ran a bit over the summer, and joined a gym in August so I stayed fairly fit. By December I was down to 170 lbs. But Christmas hit, and 10 lbs came back on fairly easy. And running fell by the wayside. By the time spring came this year, I was still hovering around 180 lbs, and decided somewhat randomly that I was going to run a 10km race. Once I committed to it, I found some podcasts of interval training, printed off a schedule that led me up to race day (September 24th) and off I went. And today I just finished Week 3 of an 8km training program (the 10km training comes later!)
Bottom line, I've debunked two myths that I used to hold true. One, I was never a runner, never enjoyed running, therefore I never would. But I do. Do I LOVE going out for a run every single time? No. Do I have to force myself to do it some days? Absolutely. But do I always feel better afterwards? Definitely. One of my favourite quotes, one I came across not that long ago, is "I've never felt worse after a workout." And it is so true, and very motivational to do that workout when you just don't want to. The second self-created myth that I foiled is that overweight people can't run. I ran both my 5k and the triathlon at around 190 lbs. There's nothing much I can argue there.
I have to remind myself often that my accomplishments are in fact important and substantial and not to be brushed off. I easily told myself that the 5k was no big deal because I ran it so slow, and that completing the triathlon wasn't that impressive because I came last of 188 racers of all ages. What I often forget to tell myself is that I did it. I made a goal and I did it. The 5k took me an hour; so what? I ran for a solid hour! How many people can say that?? I came in last in the triathlon. But I did it! And I didn't stop, I didn't give up, I swam non-stop, I biked without a break, and I didn't walk a single step of the run. Not all of the people who finished before me can say those things, and even if they could, it shouldn't matter. I finished a triathlon! That's crazy! Me! And it bothers me that even now, knowing that I should be wowed by what I've acheived, I can still brush it off as nothing special or anything to be proud of. In fact, I tend to be embarassed when I tell people I did the triathlon, because I don't think bragging about coming last is that great, and if I don't mention how I placed, then I feel like I'm lying and taking credit for something that isn't real. People will ask me to run with them, and I try to avoid it, because I feel awkward and embarassed at the thought of being so painfully slow in comparison, and huffing and puffing and dripping with sweat while they casually stroll beside me. Running is a private thing for me, at least for now.
Anyway, the novella about my inability to accept my accomplishments aside, training is on track, and I am looking forward to completing my first real running race in September, and crossing off one of my 101 goals!
I was never a runner. Ever. I was overweight by the time I was in grade 3, and track and field consisted of chatty walks with friends. I don't think I ever completed the 800m without walking part of it. Running just wasn't my style. Besides, fat people don't run.
About 3 years ago, I decided I wanted to try running as a means to lose weight. I tried a Couch to 5K podcast that started nice and easy, run 60 seconds, walk 90 seconds. I could handle that. But by week 3, I felt way out of my league. I started and stopped a few times but never really had a clear goal. One day I decided I wanted to run the length of one my favourite songs, 500 Miles by The Proclaimers (all 3 and a half minutes of it). I never quite got there. At least not that summer.
The following year, I decided to give it another try. I was hovering within a few pounds of 200, and I feared that like nothing else. The first time I went out, I pushed to 500m. And I worked from there. One day I even managed to run for 2.7 km. Not bad for someone who didn't run. I then went back to the Couch to 5K podcast. I spent about two weeks on each training week, but I didn't give up. I just kept on running those timed intervals and my goal was to run 5km by the end of the summer. Panic kicked in at the end of August though when I realized that although I was completing each podcast, my speed was much (much) slower than was apparently intended for the average runner, so although I was running 30-35 minutes, I was not covering 5km, not even close. I worried that my goal was no longer a possibility. But on the offical last weekend of summer (hey, until that calendar hit September 21, it was still technically summer and would still count!), I ran my first 5km. It took me just under an hour. I thought I would have felt beyond elated, but somehow I didn't feel much of anything. Somehow I just wasn't able to feel proud of myself.
I promptly stopped running after my 5k. Winter went by. Through all this, my weight varied, but by January 2010, I hit that dreaded number on the scale (it was only one day tho!!) Shortly thereafter I decided to take a beginner triathlon training course at the gym. It was 2 sessions a week, 3 hours each. It was crazy, it was intense, it was like nothing I'd ever done before. I thought the running part would be the hardest, but biking turned out to be my nemesis and I actually kind of enjoyed running. And on the day of the race last June, at 192 lbs, I finished the race (400 m swim, 10 km bike and 2.5 km run) in 1 hour 34 minutes; I came in dead last. Which made my victory of completion rather bittersweet. Yet again, I wasn't quite able to fully feel proud of myself. Learning to not compare myself to others is clearly a large hurdle for me.
I ran a bit over the summer, and joined a gym in August so I stayed fairly fit. By December I was down to 170 lbs. But Christmas hit, and 10 lbs came back on fairly easy. And running fell by the wayside. By the time spring came this year, I was still hovering around 180 lbs, and decided somewhat randomly that I was going to run a 10km race. Once I committed to it, I found some podcasts of interval training, printed off a schedule that led me up to race day (September 24th) and off I went. And today I just finished Week 3 of an 8km training program (the 10km training comes later!)
Bottom line, I've debunked two myths that I used to hold true. One, I was never a runner, never enjoyed running, therefore I never would. But I do. Do I LOVE going out for a run every single time? No. Do I have to force myself to do it some days? Absolutely. But do I always feel better afterwards? Definitely. One of my favourite quotes, one I came across not that long ago, is "I've never felt worse after a workout." And it is so true, and very motivational to do that workout when you just don't want to. The second self-created myth that I foiled is that overweight people can't run. I ran both my 5k and the triathlon at around 190 lbs. There's nothing much I can argue there.
I have to remind myself often that my accomplishments are in fact important and substantial and not to be brushed off. I easily told myself that the 5k was no big deal because I ran it so slow, and that completing the triathlon wasn't that impressive because I came last of 188 racers of all ages. What I often forget to tell myself is that I did it. I made a goal and I did it. The 5k took me an hour; so what? I ran for a solid hour! How many people can say that?? I came in last in the triathlon. But I did it! And I didn't stop, I didn't give up, I swam non-stop, I biked without a break, and I didn't walk a single step of the run. Not all of the people who finished before me can say those things, and even if they could, it shouldn't matter. I finished a triathlon! That's crazy! Me! And it bothers me that even now, knowing that I should be wowed by what I've acheived, I can still brush it off as nothing special or anything to be proud of. In fact, I tend to be embarassed when I tell people I did the triathlon, because I don't think bragging about coming last is that great, and if I don't mention how I placed, then I feel like I'm lying and taking credit for something that isn't real. People will ask me to run with them, and I try to avoid it, because I feel awkward and embarassed at the thought of being so painfully slow in comparison, and huffing and puffing and dripping with sweat while they casually stroll beside me. Running is a private thing for me, at least for now.
Anyway, the novella about my inability to accept my accomplishments aside, training is on track, and I am looking forward to completing my first real running race in September, and crossing off one of my 101 goals!
Wednesday, 18 May 2011
Don't Believe In All You've Been Told, The Sky's The Limit, You Can Reach Your Goal
As I promised myself, a list of things that I love about myself (is it sad that even just saying that seems forced?) I will openly admit that I am doing this somewhat unwillingly, but I'm doing it because I know I need to change my present viewpoint about myself if I intend to change my future. So here it is, a list without justifications, a list without explanations, and hopefully a list without feelings of being too self-absorbed for even thinking such positive things about myself. In no particular order...
1) I genuinely try to make the world a polite and considerate place by respecting those around me.
2) I am persistent and stubborn.
3) I am fiercely loyal to those I love.
4) I do the right thing.
5) I am tenacious.
6) I give my job 110%.
7) I enjoy sharing new experiences with friends and family.
8) I went from not being able to run 500 m to running 5 km to completing a beginner's triathlon to signing up for a 10 km race!
9) I encourage others.
10) I love animals.
11) I am organized and pay attention to detail.
** it is tough not to follow these up with a balancing 'but' or explanation (ie #11.... when I am not procrastinating!!) **
12) I aim to please others.
13) I keep trying new approaches to my improving my flaws.
14) I love to read.
15) I have lofty goals that I intend to acheive someday!
Ok, that's about as much as I can muster for one day. It's very challenging! I feel like by saying these things, it's like saying I'm perfect at each one, and that's just not true. But everyone has bad days and nobody is perfect, so why do I expect myself to be?
Anyway, from #15... I stumbled upon an amazing blog the other night by an inspiring young woman (101 things in 1001 days) and it truly got me thinking about some specific goals that I would like to acheive, some directly about my weight loss, others not at all. But I know that my weight loss issues are all about my whole self, so I consider it all part of the journey. Anyway, I am going to work on that list for the next little while. I don't know that it will be 101 goals for 1001 days, but there will be something substantial.
1) I genuinely try to make the world a polite and considerate place by respecting those around me.
2) I am persistent and stubborn.
3) I am fiercely loyal to those I love.
4) I do the right thing.
5) I am tenacious.
6) I give my job 110%.
7) I enjoy sharing new experiences with friends and family.
8) I went from not being able to run 500 m to running 5 km to completing a beginner's triathlon to signing up for a 10 km race!
9) I encourage others.
10) I love animals.
11) I am organized and pay attention to detail.
** it is tough not to follow these up with a balancing 'but' or explanation (ie #11.... when I am not procrastinating!!) **
12) I aim to please others.
13) I keep trying new approaches to my improving my flaws.
14) I love to read.
15) I have lofty goals that I intend to acheive someday!
Ok, that's about as much as I can muster for one day. It's very challenging! I feel like by saying these things, it's like saying I'm perfect at each one, and that's just not true. But everyone has bad days and nobody is perfect, so why do I expect myself to be?
Anyway, from #15... I stumbled upon an amazing blog the other night by an inspiring young woman (101 things in 1001 days) and it truly got me thinking about some specific goals that I would like to acheive, some directly about my weight loss, others not at all. But I know that my weight loss issues are all about my whole self, so I consider it all part of the journey. Anyway, I am going to work on that list for the next little while. I don't know that it will be 101 goals for 1001 days, but there will be something substantial.
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